


the weight of happiness

by chansei



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Adventure, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Pirates, Sea strider chan, Search for Happiness, and a home, can also be seen platonically, inspired by mymy & home, little timeskips, very ambiguous, very minor angst, world setting is kinda one piece-inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26431957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chansei/pseuds/chansei
Summary: Chan breathes in, breathes out, and takes a step. Then another. And another.It's like dancing, but on a tightrope. If he misses a step, it will have been his last.It's always scary, even though Chan has done it million times. But the danger is there, and he knows that if something happens, on the wide ocean, there will be no one to save him.Chan is one of the rare sea striders, looking for happiness on the wide sea.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Chan | Dino, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Chan | Dino
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22
Collections: A Sip of Summer Wine





	the weight of happiness

Chan breathes in, breathes out, and takes a step. Then another. And another. It's like dancing, but on a tightrope. If he misses a step, it will have been his last. It's always scary, even though Chan has done it million times. But the danger is there, and he knows that if something happens, on the wide ocean, there will be no one to save him.

He's part of the rare 4 percent of the population who have the ability to walk on water, called sea striders.

He uses it to loot sinking boats and shipwrecks; that's how Chan makes a living. Even though he's a pretty useful tool to the pirates, in the end he's a vagabond. He has no home, no one to return to, he always just travels from one ship to another. They don't care for him like that.

His current one is quite nice, though. The captain, who calls himself S.Coups, is a gentle man that even looks out for Chan and tries to include him. Chan greatly appreciates it, though he's not asking for more but a place to sleep at and food.

The rest of the crew is also okay, they don't treat him any special way but they aren't unfair to him either. He sometimes gets jealous, watching them act like a family together, and craves for a similar sense of warmth. But he quickly tosses the thought aside, because he knows that out here he won't find that.

He makes it safely over the tides onto the shipwreck eventually. The damaged wood creaks under his feet, and he has to jump to avoid a few holes to make into the heart of the ship. Or, former ship.

Chan rummages around for any valuables, or edibles. After what feels like hours he finds some rusted jewelry and canned food. It's a rather poor gain, but better than nothing. For a moment, Chan hesitates and thinks.

_Why don't you keep that stuff to yourself and run away?_

_Why do you keep coming back to a place that's not even your home?_

He shakes the questions off quickly and makes his way back.

Hansol is slightly disappointed when Chan doesn't bring any weapons along, but Jeonghan claims the jewelry for future selling and Mingyu happily takes the canned food to make a meal out of it later. Their smiles are thankful, but they make Chan feel weird.

_Why are you letting these people use you?_

_Because they also help me_ , he argues with himself in his head. _They provide me with food and a place to sleep, I don't need more than that._

_It's the way I've always lived, as a tool_ , Chan thinks.

_It has always worked for me up until now._

-

Later that night there is a party. The pirates throw them often for mostly no reason, they just love to celebrate. Chan understands, sometimes you just need a good chatter and beer to distract yourself. But today, even despite having that, Chan feels as weird as before, still.

He can't even exactly pinpoint the feeling. It's a sort of emptiness that he just gets when he sees the pirates goofing around with each other. After his third beer, Chan realizes.

He lacks a home, and that's why he's feeling empty.

No matter how convivial and hospitable the pirates act towards him, he won't feel like he belongs here, because he works for that kindness. It's not given to him like that, he gives to them for it. Deep down, he knows that he's just a tool to them.

_It's they way I've always lived._

_But can't I escape nonetheless?_

It's not like anything holds him here. In fact, nothing does, or anywhere else. In the whole world there's not a single place he feels like he belongs to.

-

On a day like any other, Chan is again send out to savage a ship wreck. It looks just crashed and not too old, so Chan might actually find something on there.

He already gets a weird feeling during his way over the water. Like something's tugging at his legs, pulling him towards the wreck. It almost makes him able to run over the water.

He's a bit out of breath when he arrives _for some reason_ , but he carefully walks over the damaged planks as he looks around. There's nothing there, as if no one has ever lived on this ship. As if it's just a ghost.

Chan has seen those before, they're ships of newbies who weren't fit for the rough sea. They'd encounter a storm, panic, and take the spare boat to escape. And eventually get swallowed by the tides.

He wonders how it feels, to be underwater, to drown. He's never experienced it as water is solid ground for him but he has heard that even water strides can drown, when they lose their balance. To them, water is a tight rope. They can walk on it, but once they lose control, it's deadly. And the _sheer possibility_ scares Chan, so he always walks with extra care.

After having found nothing on the deck, Chan moves on to the lower parts of the ship. It's dark, with only small beams of light filtering through the demolished planks of the deck. He doesn't see much, but then his eyes catch something and stick to it. They widen as he realizes.

Leaned against a wall is a figure, curled up into itself. It looks like they're unconscious, probably still from the crash. It had been just a few hours ago, it seems like.

Chan steps closer. It turns out to be a man, looking a bit older than Chan, dressed in a black t-shirt with a tiger print and jeans. His blonde hair is falling softly onto his face, and maybe Chan stares a bit too long.

Then he remembers. This had happened before.

_"Never bring anyone back again. We don't need unnecessary people that just consume space and food. "_

Chan has never believed in the concept of soulmates. The idea seems ridiculous to him, that there's someone who you'll be destined to meet and stick around with. He can't even imagine staying with someone for a lifetime. Life is just random, a bunch of coincidences. There's nothing like 'fate '.

But, as he stands in front of that unconscious man, something's tugging at the strings of his heart, and it's strong, it tells him to help, but his brain also tells him to leave him there, _because unnecessary people are not needed_.

_Is anyone really unnecessary?_

He'd believed that he was unnecessary, too, until he took up his first job. So why would it be different for this one?

_That's not the point. You can't take him because Coups says so._

"Is that a reason? ", he mutters to himself. "Why do I have to obey them? "

_Because they let you eat their food, travel with their ship, sleep there._ _They give you a home._

"No ", Chan says out loud. He remembers his feelings from the recent evenings that he used to drown in beer but now, maybe he can finally let them be free. _They aren't my home_ , Chan thinks.

And that's the last straw.

It doesn't take long for the man to wake up. Chan's given him a light shake (maybe he's even pushed him the bangs out of his face and wow, they're so soft, Chan would love to bury his hand in them just a little longer). When the blonde flutters his eyes open, Chan backs away.

For having just woken up the man's eyes are sharp, as they're scanning Chan it feels as if they're piercing through him, being able to spot every single detail that could make him dangerous. Chan feels a bit uncomfortable at the fact that this guy might be able to read him just perfectly well. Then, the sharp eyes soften.

"I guess I survived the crash? And you... found me? ", he murmurs, at which Chan nods. He contemplates whether or not he should disclose the actual reason why he's here, but he decides against it. For now.

"Thank you so much ", Chan's opposite laughs, and his eyes turn into tiny crescents as he laughs contentedly, _and it makes Chan feel a weird warm way_. He only nods, unsure of what to say.

"Oh, I'm Soonyoung by the way. "

"Chan. "

"Chan sounds cute. It's written with the symbol for 'Shining ', right? "

Said looks to the side, and he doesn't even say anything, but somehow, Soonyoung understands. And he doesn't dig any further.

"You don't know, do you? "

Chan nods slowly, a bit embarrassed. He doesn't know why, though. It's not like the fact that he grew up as an orphan on the streets was something to hide. But, for some reason, in front of that man, it feels embarrassing. And Chan's stomach feels... fuzzy. He mentally slaps himself, telling himself that now's not the time for it, and pushes the feeling away.

Soonyoung pulls him back into reality, by laughing again. Loudly. "Don't worry 'bout it, Chan. I was an orphan, too. "

Chan just blinks.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I assumed- "

"No, don't worry, I just- " Chan pauses. _I just what?_ "I was just surprised. "

"I see ", Soonyoung laughs once again, and Chan can't help but smile. The weird warm feeling is still there, but it's warm, and comfortable. Sadly, Chan's brain has to remind him of the cold reality.

He sighs, and purses his lips. "It's nice meeting you, Soonyoung. " _The name feels weird on his tongue, but in a way, comfortable_. "But I... I'm actually here to loot this ship. I work for the pirates. "

Soonyoung's face falls, but he quickly nods. "Then that's how I'll end, I guess. " He looks through a hole in the deck up into the sky. "Left alone on a ship of crushed hopes in the middle of the sea. That's what they must call dying with your dream. "

Chan stands up and turns with his back to the other, stretching his limbs from sitting for the while. He settles his arms down, and sets his jaw. He feels pity for Soonyoung. Yes, he does. He can't leave him here. He can't. He wouldn't be able to live with that.

_"We don't need unnecessary people that just consume space and food. "_

Chan doesn't notice how strongly he clenches his fists until Soonyoung does. "Chan? "

The other stands up and positions himself in front of Chan. When the latter looks up, he's holding his arms out wide. Chan gives in and Soonyoung wraps him up in a big, warm hug. "Now, what troubles you, huh? ", he coos.

"I... I'm supposed to go back to the ship with my loot, and I can't bring anyone with me. But I don't... I don't want to leave you alone here. "

It's silent for a bit, and Soonyoung's just rubbing Chan's back. He's probably still thinking about what to say, and opts to action in the meantime.

Chan pulls away, and Soonyoung looks at him, squints his eyes, and he's looking right through him, again. Chan doesn't know if he should be happy or sad about that.

"You don't want to go back there, do you? "

It is quiet.

_"Yes. "_

"It's not my home. I don't belong there. ", Chan adds. "I long for one, but I can't find it. Not there. "

Soonyoung stares to the ceiling, as if he's debating something in his mind. "I went on this journey to look for my home, too. Would you... come with me? "

The question is asked carefully, and it makes Chan feel some kind of way, he can't pinpoint it. Nonetheless, the answer is clear in his mind.

"I'd love to. ", he says, and smiles, contently.

-

Soonyoung finds them a safety boat that wasn't destroyed, and they set out.

Chan tells Soonyoung that he's a sea strider, able to walk on water, even though it's scary for him. He also tells him that he, in fact, grew up on the streets, without parents or anyone, really. He's been with some street gangs, but with each for not too long. When he turned 15, he had the idea to work as a shipwreck looter. And that's how he ended up with this lifestyle.

Soonyoung listens attentively, nods here and there in understanding. "How old are you now? ", he asks at the end.

"20. You? "

Soonyoung sighs and shakes his head. "15 is so young. " He throws a glance at Chan, and there's a look in Soonyoung's eyes that he can't place. Not knowing what to reply, he opts to a shrug. "Was a better option than rotting on the streets. "

Soonyoung simply smiles. "Yeah. I'm 23, by the way. "

Chan opens his mouth but the older hushes him before he can speak. "No need for honorifics on the sea, kid. "

"Kid? Now just because you're older you're calling me kid?? ", Chan exclaims comically, and Soonyoung chuckles. The 'kid ' puts a hand on his chest. "I'm 20, I'm an adult, take me serious! "

"All those that say that are the real kids ", the older teases, and it causes what he wants to see.

Chan grits his teeth and is about to throw a fist, but then stops himself - they're together stuck in a boat that barely fits the two of them, fighting is not a choice. Besides, he plans to stay with Soonyoung for a while. He's... nice.

-

Time passes, maybe weeks or even months, but it feels so short. Like it was yesterday that Chan found Soonyoung in that shipwreck, and today they've just barely strived a rock. Now they need to repair their ship as there's a hole in the side, so they're navigate towards the nearest haven.

After (luckily) not much more time an island comes into sight, and they decide to make a stop there and buy a new boat with their piled up money (Chan always carries all his stuff with him so he didn't leave anything on the ship, he has not much anyways).

They stroll around together, marvelling at the wooden buildings and houses of Busan. There are little shops selling traditional paintings and portraits, merchants making shining pieces of jewelry, weavers advertising their works loud and proudly.

But of all the colorful things and stores, a fenced area of water catches Chan's eye. It's surrounded by _crowds_ of people, who all scream and cheer as someone jumps gracefully through the air, and Chan knows what it is. A water skating performance.

Water skating is an art reserved for sea striders. They use their ability to run and move with grace to live music on an aquatic arena, to charm the audience with their beautiful set. Most arenas offer free entrance for people who to try it out even.

Chan grabs Soonyoung's wrist and pulls him towards the place, through the crowd until they stand at the fence. And Chan's mouth hangs wide open.

It's two men performing, dressed in silky black and white blouses. Each step on the water is coordinated and perfectly timed, the two performers moving as two bodies tied by one mind, perfectly mirroring each other. They incorporate graceful jumps, spins and somersaults that seem impossible for anyone to do. They're accompanied by soft yet strong guitars and strings, giving the final polish to the impeccable routine. It's brimming, overflowing with confidence that Chan wishes he could hold, too.

He's always loved seeing his kind turn their rare ability into art. Into sonething beautiful that amazes people. It's inspiring, really, that they can use their wonderous feet for such things. Maybe Chan would've become a water skater too, if he hadn't been abandoned on the streets upon birth.

'Jun and The8 ' finish after another series of acrobatic movements, coming back to meet in the middle in close proximity. The audience is beyond amazed, and so is Chan. He claps so hard, he swears his hands could fall off.

Over everything else that performance has made him _feel_ something, and he can't get that feeling out, it burns in his chest like a wildfire. It eats up all fear, regret, hesitation, just waiting to be unleashed.

Soonyoung pays him a soft smile at that sight, but then turns to go back towards the city's core. Chan tugs at his wrist, not wanting to go. "We gotta find someone to repair our ship, we can't spend all day here. ", Soonyoung says, though.

Chan inhales but says nothing, and looks to the side. Soonyoung musters him, and Chan _feels_ those eyes piercing through him again. It makes a very certain emotion fire up in his chest, but he pushes it aside.

"Channie, I... I don't want to leave you alone here, but I guess I can't stop you. " There's a weird tone in Soonyoung's voice. _Why do you worry so much? I can take care of myself!_ , Chan thinks. But he doesn't say it.

"Then I'd like to stay here. I want... " Chan says as firmly as possible, "I want to try water skating. " "You can go find a wood worker, and we can meet back here. I won't move. ", he offers.

Soonyoung opens his mouth to say something, but hesitates. Chan shrugs and turns around, making his way through the crowd, away from Soonyoung.

-

If Chan's one thing, he's stubborn. And so he is now. But he doesn't care. He doesn't care if it's scary. If it's dangerous. He wants to do this now. The feeling inside his chest flames up even more, and his whole body tingles with nervousity and excitement as he steps towards the water field. The instrumentalists take up their work again, and Chan takes the step.

Then, another. And another step. And many more, until they flow and blend into moves, in harmony with the music. Chan shuts out all negative thoughts and focuses on this _feeling_. It feels so fucking good.

The water feels solid under his feet, and with each second his confidence grows. He makes a jump and sone people cheer. A pirouetee, a more cheering. _So good_ , that's all he can focus on. _It feels so good_.

And maybe he gets ambitious after the 2 minutes he's already spent dancing - tries harder, craving the cheers, the good feeling they give him. _He's making people happy. That's making him happy, too. Happy._

He bundles all of it in his chest and jumps as high as he can - streches his legs wide, and closes his eyes. He wonders how he looks right now. _Do I look beautiful?_

Then, his foot breaks through the water surface, and the cheers turn into screams.

-

Soonyoung watches Jihoon do his work in awe for the man's skills and how quickly he jumps from one place to another, fixes broken planks here and stuffs holes there.

But suddenly, something feels wrong.

The crowd whispers. Hushed voices, with all the same tone, from everywhere but going into the same direction. Soonyoung turns around. The haven. Chan!

Before he knows it, he's running, as fast as his feet can carry him, taking big steps, almost jumping. _Faster faster faster._ What happened in the haven? Is Chan safe? _Is he too late already?_ Soonyoung blocks all the questions out, and tries to focus on running.

When he gets there, the scene is horrific.

People standing at tbe fences, faces full of shock. They don't know what to do. In the middle of the area, a drowning boy. Chan.

_Chan!_

Soonyoung doesn't know what he's doing, or why, but he has no better idea. He shuts out all voices of reason, and lets only his heart carry him.

A woman screams as his body hits the water. They probay think he's insane. But Soonyoung doesn't care. His priority is Chan now.

He swims with all his might, as fast as he can, to the place where the bubbles are popping up. Guess he got to dive. But Soonyoung hesitates.

_You could die._

_No,_ he shakes his head. _No no no._ _This isn't a time to fucking hesitate!_

So he takes a deep breath, and goes underwater.

It's dark, and Soonyoung is barely able to see, having to close his eyes to avoid water. He fumbles through the water, trying to get a hold of somthing. But there's only him. And Chan, sinking deeper with every second.

It takes the last of Soonyoung's strength to get to the younger boy, grabbing his hand tightly and then heading upwards. _Hard_ isn't even the proper word to describe it anymore, Soonyoung's ears and head feel like they're going to explode, his lungs like they're going to be crushed under the water pressure, every vein in his body pumping blood through at maximum possible speed, and his limbs feel about to be pulled of him, deep down to the ground.

It's such a fucking struggle, but Soonyoung shuts his eyes even tighter and remembers one thing Chan's said to him.

_"I just don't want to die not having found happiness. "_ And then he's laughed and smiled, so unbothered, so preciously beautiful. So purely happy.

_You won't_ , Soonyoung thinks, _You will find your happiness. You won't die here._

_You will live, Chan!_

They hit the water surface, and Soonyoung breathes. "We're alive ", he whispers. "we're alive. " He feels so glad, presses the unconscious Chan tight against his chest, and just feels the happiness.

-

Chan blinks his eyes open, slowly. He's laying on a blanket, something soft is cushioning his head. There's a soft breeze, and the sky's getting dark already. He must've been unconscious for some time.

He shifts around and lifts himself up, and there he spots Soonyoung sitting at the pier, legs hovering over the water. The older turns towards Chan, and his face lights up as much as an entire galaxy.

Next thing Chan knows, he's being hugged. It feels so warm and he closes his eyes to properly endulge into the feeling but then it's gone already.

Now Soonyoung's mustering him, and Chan knows he can't hide anything from the older's eyes. He let's out a sigh.

"See, I'm sorry- ", Chan starts, but Soonyoung shakes his head. "Channie. " He's using that nickname, that _always_ makes Chan's heart warm.

"It's okay, you know. "

"Huh? "

Soonyoung gestures at the air, seeking for words, then drops his hands. "That... It's okay, that you did this. "

Chan raises an eyebrow, and Soonyoung immediately goes to elaborate. "I mean, not that you almost died out there, but that you tried this. " He's oddly less composed than usual.

"You're searching for happiness, right? So it's natural to try things out. Even if you end up failing. "

Chan nods. "You're right. "

Soonyoung pats his shoulder and then hives him a smile. "Just be more careful next time. " Then he burries his face in his hands. "God, I was do worried... "

Chan laughs at that, and he feels warmth and bubbly feelings, and overall happiness.

-

Later that day they sleep in a friendly man's house, who offers travellers to rest there. His name is Mingyu, he's gentle and caring towards Chan and Soonyoung as well as the other current residents. He even cooks them a meal, and Chan eats everything up in seconds. _It's just so good._

Wrapped tight in 2 blankets and warmed by the fireplace, Chan lays down on the futon, ready to sleep. He thinks about the day, and everything he's felt.

The joyful city, the warmth of the sun, the feeling of dancing on the water. When he thinks about it now, it had felt so fulfilling, but at the same time not. Like there was just this very tiny piece missing. He realized it when he was underwater, just before he knocked out. There was a feeling of... emptiness .

But Chan doesn't bother with it, he's felt happy and that's what matters now.

-

They set out early next morning just sfter sunrise, with a nice wind blowing south. They don't have a direction, so they'll just go with that.

Chan marvels at the sky. So wide, with many colors from blue to pink, and tiny clouds here and there, dyed orange by the sun. Soonyoung takes a break from maneuvering to look up as well, and for just a minute, the two men are just losing themselves up there.

It's then, when Soonyoung goes back to adjusting the sail and Chan throws a glance towards him, that he realizes something.

"Soonyoung? Can we stop for a second? "

The older hums, and adjust the sail accordingly. "Why though? ", he asks afterwards.

"I... wanna walk here. ", Chan says with hesitation. Soonyoung makes big eyes. "I'll be safe ", he quickly adds. And braces himself. A glance at Soonyoung, who fights the worry out of his face and gives him a reassuring smile.

Chan looks back at the water, concentrates, and takes the first step.

The water feels solid as always, but Chan's also as unsure as always. A look back at Soonyoung. Then he closes his eyes, and makes the next step. And another one. And another.

Chan flutters his eyes open, and it's strange. He feels so... light. As if he couldn't fall through the ground below him, because he's... weightless.

"Channie? ", Soonyoung calls out to him.

And when Chan turns around, he has the brightest smile on his face. "Soonyoung! Look! "

He runs around on the water, freely, every step as light as a feather dancing on the sea's surface.

"Channie! That's amazing! ", the older shouts back. Chan almost feels like a child again when he's running around like that. He jumps, but when his feet hit the water surface, they go through.

Soonyoung immediately jumps after him, pulling the younger up before he can sink deeper. The worry is clear in his face, but Chan just laughs.

"Huh? Channie- ", Soonyoung starts, but Chan waves him off. "It's okay now, don't worry. I... " Chan hesitates, then takes, then takes a deep breath, and looks at the older, mustering up a bright smile.

"I'm not scared anymore, because you are there. "

-

It's like that now: about a year later, unsurprisingly, they're still travelling on their small boat. But they've changed.

Chan is not scared anymore now, withSoonyoung as his support. Same goes for the older, as he finds comfort in Chan. Right, they're some kind of a home for each other. A place of warmth, that they can always come time, no matter where they are.

And technically, they don't have a goal anymore, but they just go wherever they feel like. Chan won't search for happiness anymore, because he's found it to be right next to him, and in himself. In Soonyoung, in dancing, in just running on the water freely, in the sunrise.

It's everywhere he looks, and it makes him strong and light, fearless to walk onto the water surface, because he knows he's not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Extra thanks to my two betas for putting up with me nd to the anon that submitted the prompt & the fest's mods i love you  
> Please leave a comment or find me on [ cc ](https://curiouscat.qa/Shoseilover) or [ twt ](https://twitter.com/shoseilovemail)


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